It's the weird annoying feeling that kill urself after u lock urself in ur own world. And then u know how hard u need to pretend like u feel nuthing yet u know u hav sumthing, real sumthing inside. The pressure u put on urself, blame it to ur mouth. Please mind urself that this is the reality u need to face, don't step on the yellow line becoz u will get nothing, I mean it, yes, u won't get anything. So, u just stay with ur mouth shut and then begin calculating all the nonsense probablity, expecting there will be some very good returns. U know that it's miserable to let it go not even a day, yet u know u cannot catch it. So, this is the very right time u thought u could play some trick and being selfish, but then u cannot really feel it. It's different, it's not normal, so tell urself to forget, but ur mind say no. That is how it works. Really! The theory u created without even thinking the consequences u might have to deal with. Now u remember all the smiles and the cheeky laughs u used to hear and then u could feel the real pain in a beautiful way. It is beautiful. It really is. U can taste it.
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